Ladybird Chapter 5, Scene 1

Chapter 5

Nellidae strutted out of her room, her slightly narrow hips swinging from side to side, dark hair swinging behind her. She raised her chin as though staring at the sky and thrust out her chest. Her outfit consisted of a dark tanktop beneath an open, button-down brown jacket, a leather motorcycle cap with goggles, and a pair of knee-length pants. She grinned at her audience and gave a thumbs up, bending forwarding with her hands on her knees for the excited crowd of Libel and Fleur. Both of them clapped and Libel even whistled in all jest. Nellidae felt a tingle down her spine and in her chest. She rather liked being the center of attention, much to her own surprise.

“You look great! And I can’t see your antennae at all!” Libel said.

“Thanks,” Nellidae said, face turning hot. She had been overlooked most of her life, and for some reason the cheers of a teenage girl and her maid were enough to spark a little fire in her heart. “I do look good don’t I? I look downright ravishing.”

“Oui! A real coccinelle!” Fleur cheered.

“What?” Nellidae asked suddenly, bending forward toward the maid. She stared in a critical manner at Fleur. “What’s she saying in that alien language of hers? If she insults me and I can’t tell, I’m calling immigration on her.”

“Ah non!” Fleur cried, nearly falling backwards over her cushioned stool. “Not immigration! They do horrible things to maids!”

“Don’t be such a bully,” Libel shouted, “You’re also technically illegal! C’est une idiote!”

Nellidae’s face turned completely red and she cried back, “Now you’re both ganging up on me!”

In returning to her room, Nellidae stripped of her jacket and partially stripped of her top before looking at her back. Only upon close examination did she manage to see the line down the middle, the separation between the two halves of her elytra, easily mistaken for the curve of her spine. Guess they were easier to hide than she thought, which was a relief. The antennae though were problematic. She found herself a sleeveless high-necked top and a jacket, along with a bandana, and walked out of the room once again to Libel and Fleur’s enjoyment. They clapped, and held up signs with numbers on them.

“Are you giving me a five?” Nellidae asked Fleur.

“Out of five!” Fleur said.

“But Libel has an eight!” Nellidae fumed.

“We are working on different scales!” Fleur protested.

* * *

This is John Q. Media, reporting the top news of this hour on this fine day of August 32nd 2012. Happening now: the Ameran government releases new information regarding the yet to be investigated event which took place yesterday night, 12 hours after declaring that it was all part of a weapons test, for which all “victims” were compensated with over ten thousand Ameros each in addition to repairs on any damaged property.

In a startling decision, the press conference today will be held not by an Oval House official or a member of the Shrub administration but by President Shrub’s daughter Rozalin Galatea Shrub and an assistant to the mayor of Rosewater, Hesper Levitus Eucus. Rozalin Shrub is coming into the arena fresh from refuting accusations of drug abuse and being of insatiable sexual appetite, including preying on minors. She’s been called the “Succubus Of Newfork” by some of the administration’s critics, who contest that Shrub’s lost his credibility on the issue of family values, which was strong for him in the 2008 election.

The content of the press conference is currently unknown, but it is believed that the highly controversial explanation for the day’s events, which was heavily contested in many blogs and videos across the internet, is going to be repealed or amended in favor of a different interpretation of the events. Of course, there is the possibility that it will be reinforced or more thoroughly explained, perhaps even proposed as a new law. This only serves to emphasize the mystery behind this press conference.

Let’s bring in our panel for this discussion; he is a former Oval House media advisor Eustus Turner, she is the editor of the political blog “Leviathan” Nerinda Femnis, and he is the former Hip Hop superstar who’s last album went triple platinum, now running for Congress as a Representative from Holmes, Winde, aspiring congressman Ice Dog.

Yo yo yo!

How are you doing John?

Great to be on the show John.

So let’s start with you Ice, what do you think about the President’s decision to delegate such an important conference to his daughter, who’s previously been very unrelated to his politics? Save for refuting the accusations of promiscuity leveled at her, Rozalin Shrub is an unknown factor in all of this. How do you think she’ll do?

John, I’m pretty sure she spit on a mic better than her old man does, but I seen crackheads in the hood who’d crack a sentence out that sounds better than anything President Shrub’s ever said! Maybe this one won’t be all that craptube-worthy!

Oh Ice, you always bring such fire to politics.

Bzzzt.

Vulture News anchorman Lyre R. Aycest reporting to you fine folks at this hour. Our Rosewater correspondents are standing by as the first daughter Rozalin Shrub is preparing to deliver a press conference about the weapons testing which took place yesterday night, in which a small city block played host to a weapons simulation which damaged the street and two nearby buildings, which were evacuated prior and their owners compensated with, it is reported, 10,000 Ameros each.

The unprecedented nature of this event and the monetary compensation given to the participants signal a first in military-civilian interaction and testing, but what are the implications? Will it produce higher accountability and even open a new job market for civilian weapons and countermeasures testing? Vulture News explores the subject.

Our panel today, Evangelical Chrostian minister Nudnick Barnes and conservative party senator Walter Fiat.

Good evening Lyre, good to be on the show again.

God bless you Aycest. You and Vulture News, you all do God’s work.

You flatter me Mr. Barnes, I only try to be even-handed for the folks at home. So we’ll start with Mr. Fiat, what do you believe will be some of the topics discussed in this press conference?

Well Lyre, I couldn’t tell you what. All I know is that I think it was a slick move by President Shrub getting his daughter into the political arena. She’s a good speaker, people like her, and it’s time she demonstrated that and stomped all over those rumors of her being a “succubus” and whatnot. I think there’s no more perfect time to bring her out than now, when the issue is sensitive, the issue is new and they need a new, fresh, optimistic face out there to clear the air.

Do you think, Mr. Fiat, that this speech will address all the skeptics and conspiracy theorists out there?

I very much doubt the liberals out there will be swayed by anything Rozalin says, Lyre. They’re already dead set on criticizing President Shrub for everything he does, no matter how innovative and purposeful, and this is just another cry for attention from them. Everything, no matter how small, is an unconstitutional abuse of power. They just can’t see the benefits that this live testing system of military research will have for our economy!

Bzzzt.

HEY EVERYBODY THIS IS ROBERT MARCH HERE, TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE NEW CLEANING SENSATION THAT’S SWEEPING THE NATION!

ARE YOU TIRED OF HAVING TO OPEN YOUR COMPUTER TO GIVE IT A GOOD CLEANING?

WHAT YOU NEED IS THE MOTHERSUCKER!

THE MOTHERSUCKER IS A VACUUM DESIGNED ESPECIALLY FOR CLEANING YOUR COMPUTER MOTHERBOARD, WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO OPEN THE CASE!

JUST EXTEND THE PATENTED MOTHERSUCKER VACUUM HEAD INTO THE BACK OF YOUR COMPUTER CASE, PRESS THE SWITCH AND IN MINUTES, YOUR MACHINE WILL BE DUST FREE.

ALL THIS THANKS TO THE PATENTED MOTHERSUCKING TECHNOLOGY–

Bzzzt. Click.

* * *

“We need to discuss what you’ll do from now on.” Libel said, turning off the television.

Nellidae frowned. “You know, those first guys, I liked their style.”

“Listen,” Libel said, “Nellidae, you are a really special person.”

Dreading the loaded meaning of that word, Nellidae fought back an urge to protest. Back where she came from, special person often meant a regiment of drugs, hypnosis and a deluge of standardized tests to bring her “general intelligence” up to acceptable levels with the rest of the population. Nellidae herself only experienced this once when she was 7 years old and having trouble with her diction. Somehow, math and history problems were still part of her tests anyway.

“Are you listening to me?” Libel said, snapping her fingers.

“Yes.” Nellidae said, her eyes drifting to the floor.

Nellidae looked around the living room. No Fleur to pick on, the woman being out on errands. The room was eerily quiet between the two of them, after the snapping. They could hear the traffic down below.

“You can do stuff nobody else in this world can Nelly!” Libel said, her voice rising in excitement, “You need to do something with yourself other than eat sugary cereals and ingest high fructose corn syrup!”

The ladybird shook her head, her antennae peeking out from the back of her hat, bent against her hair.

“Libel, I’m not some science experiment for you!”

“Oh I know that.”

“I mean it!” Nellidae shouted,  “I better not wake up some day to see you hovering over my bed with a grin on your face and pincers in one hand and a scalpel in the other!”

Libel gasped. “Do you really have that perverse an opinion of me?”

“I don’t know what to think! I just got sucked into this world after gallivanting through an ocean of milk with a parade of all the misshapen 2×2 wooden planks from the House Depot from 2027 to 2053!” She paused, trying to recall if it really was that at all, but it made as much sense as the rest of her verdite-induced delusions, so she ran with it. It couldn’t be any more nonsensical. “I’m not a super hero either! I’m not going to go around catching purse snatchers and corrupt corporate executives!”

“Why not?” Libel said, standing up and with her hands closed into fists at her side, “You can punch holes in concrete, maybe even steel! You can fly, and you can resist being crushed by a ton of metal piston! You could really help out!”

Nellidae stood up herself, her face a mirror of the same outrage on Libel’s, “And when does it stop? Nellidae Cocci beats up a purse snatcher, then moves up to kidnappers, then bank robbers, then terrorists, then formally enlists in the army?”

Libel reeled, as though she had been struck in the face. She averted her eyes from Nellidae, brought her hand up to her mouth and sat back down, staring at the floor. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Nelly.” She said, “I didn’t think about that at all.”

“You didn’t!” Nellidae replied. She relaxed her shoulders and sat, sighing. “But it’s okay. You’re just a kid anyway, I don’t know what I’m getting angry at you for.”

“Are you going to leave?” Libel suddenly said. She brought her eyes to line with Nellidae’s again. She looked very unlike herself. Nellidae didn’t think she’d ever see the cheerful bug nerd so bent out of shape, not since what happened with Coulter. So sad, crooked, vulnerable. Nellidae shook her head. What a kid she’d gotten stuck with.

“And go where?” Nellidae said. “I’m not living under no stinkin’ bridge. You’ve even got a maid! I’m going to impose on you.” She raised her feet up to on the couch and stretched out her arms, making herself comfortable.

Libel’s face lit up. “Glad to hear that.”

“But,” Nellidae said, “I really want to look for a janitorial position somewhere. My body cries out for something to clean!”